Atonement
by HugsFluttershyHeart
Summary: Mercelena comes from Asgard to try and help Loki. When he tries to correct previous wrongdoings, she pulls away. Do they hurt each other more than they help each other? After all, everything is easier said than done- especially protecting one another and making things right again.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: After about a six-month hiatus from , I've decided to try fanfiction-ing again. I'm sorry if this is awful- I'm not entirely confident in my Loki-writing yet. Thanks for reading! :) By the way, this chapter is probably going to be pretty short- it's really late and I'm a bit too tired to write more, plus, I'm really excited about this fic and others that I'm reading.**

"_Mercelena, I'm sorry."_

"_That doesn't change it, Loki! It doesn't make anything better! It doesn't change the fact that you played a part in my parents' death."_

"_I regret it wholeheartedly. I would do anything to change it."_

"_I guess that's why they call you the God of Lies."_

A small girl stands behind Thor Odinson. Her large, brown eyes dart around Loki's floor in the S.H.I.E.L.D. Special Prisons Unit nervously, as if she's petrified of something, but she holds herself in such a way that the mighty Thor knows that she's too stubborn to admit it at the moment.

He touches her shoulder lightly, murmuring, "If you're unsure of this, it's not necessary that you stay with him."

The girl, who can't be older than eighteen, shakes her head slightly. "I wouldn't want to be alone if I were here all by myself for so long." Her voice is soft and sweet.

"All right," Thor says in a booming voice, looking around for his brother, "Loki, I'm leaving." He turns to the girl again, embracing her gently and saying, in a low voice, "An agent will be watching at all times for a week. If you feel threatened, give them the signal."

She nods, smiling bravely at him. "I'll be okay."

"Thank you, Mercelena." He says earnestly.

"Thank you, Thor. I'll see you tomorrow morning." She says, leaning against the wall as Thor walks towards the exit.

"That you will." He says before closing the door behind him, leaving Mercelena alone in Loki's chamber.

"Loki." She calls out, looking around for him. "I know you're here. There's no way for you to get out."

The God of Mischief looks down at the girl, appearing in front of her in less than a second, startling her. She jumps back, her eyes wide, and covers her mouth to keep from shrieking. Loki would be amused if he weren't glaring hatefully at the girl.

"Mercelena." He spits the name out as if it's a curse. She immediately stiffens, obviously feeling intimidated by his demeanor.

"Hello, Loki." She murmurs, setting her suitcases down on the floor. He eyes them suspiciously, but draws a conclusion quickly.

"You're to stay here?" He growls the words and glowers at the nervous girl. She nods, stepping towards a hallway. He steps in front of her, taking a step closer and making eye contact.

"Do you need something?" She squeaks her sentence, earning a laugh from Loki.

"There's no need to fear me." He chuckles, looking towards the bolted doors and windows. "The agents are making sure I'm secluded here with you."

"Trying to be intimidating isn't going to work, Loki." She murmurs, looking away. She's referring to his demeanor and the facial expression that he gives her. She's unable to meet his gaze without thinking about what happened scores ago, so she distracts herself with the elegant chandelier, which must have been an exact replica of one from Asgard. She smiles at the familiarity of her home, but before she can ask about it, Loki has walked over to the hallway.

"The room at the end of the hallway is the spare bedroom." He calls to her in a bored tone of voice. She merely nods and walks past him with her things, into the bedroom.

It's a far cry from her home, but it doesn't bother her. She's exhausted, for some reason, but she doesn't let herself sleep- it's only six, after all, and she immediately sets to work making her bedroom feel like home. She rearranges the furniture, sets her new notebooks and pens in the desk drawers along with her old ones. They're mostly poetry and diaries, but some are sketchbooks and paintings. Around 9:45, she takes a brief break to change into sweatpants and a tank top (Jane had said that they were comfortable, and she was correct) and put her hair up in a messy bun. By midnight, she's completely cleaned the hallways, and by 2:30 in the morning, she's finished organizing everything and is now mopping and polishing the floors.

The God of Mischief is woken by a sudden crash, and comes into the doorway of the living room to see Mercelena trying to stand up and pull herself high enough onto a ladder to dust the chandelier, limping all the while. He nearly laughs at the sight- Mercelena was always one to clean and overwork- but frowns upon seeing that his old friend is hurt.

"Mercelena," he sighs, "what am I going to do with you? I told you before we parted ways to take care of yourself, and you're being reckless, as always."

Mercelena rolls her eyes in reply and continues trying to climb the ladder. She loses her balance (damned ankle) and closes her eyes tightly, bracing herself for the impending pain. She's surprised when she falls into Loki's arms instead of the marble floor. She scrambles towards the couch immediately, wincing slightly. Loki sits down next to her and gently examines her ankle.

"Don't touch me." She's embarrassed that she fears him, but she pulls away slightly as he sighs.

"You're afraid of me after all these years?" He inquires quietly, as not to scare her. He knows that she's afraid when people are angry at her- especially him. She knows he's violent when angry, and usually had tried not to provoke him. Of course, he had never hurt her, which made her a bit less afraid, but she still disliked being put in situations when he was angry with her.

Mercelena bites her lip before saying, "Nothing has changed, Loki. You still helped kill my parents. I have every right to fear you."

He doesn't respond to that. He simply bandages her ankle, gives her an ice pack, and goes back to bed. Times like this are when what little magic he can muster is useful.

**Reviews are appreciated. :) I try my hardest to reply to them, and I'll try to have another chapter out tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then Tuesday, certainly! Thanks so much!**

**XO,**

**Alyson**


	2. Chapter 2

Loki can't sleep.

It's not that he's an insomniac- he does have bouts of insomnia (partially due to overwhelming anger, loneliness, and longing), but he lies awake thinking tonight.

It's a week after Mercelena came.

_His Merci._

He remembers when they were inseparable. They were so close to each other. One would simply make a gesture and the other would know exactly what they meant. They were so in-tune that other people liked to joke that they were twins at heart, and they would laugh along, denying that they were related in any way. He protected her like a younger sister. She respected and looked up to him wholeheartedly.

He broke her.

He hadn't known what the "mission" entailed, but he had kept her distracted on the night of her parents' assassination as he had been asked to be by his father. It was "absolutely necessary" that the "mission" be carried out.

He felt- feels, rather, since the longing and guilt never went away- so guilty.

He didn't want to be the cause of her stress, her depression, her fear, her loss.

He didn't know he was hurting her.

All he had done was take her to a banquet. She had been so excited for the night that he had to remind her to take breaths in between sentences while she was rambling mindlessly about previous experiences and how it was going to be wonderful, how she thanked him. She had been so happy, and all of the happiness had drained out of her the second they found her parents at home.

Loki doesn't want to scare her away again. He doesn't want to hurt her as he did before. He has missed her, really- missed the smile that she only saved for him, the way she collected small, aesthetically pleasing objects and was constantly annoyed about losing them, how she was always creating something beautiful. He had been one of the few in Asgard to appreciate her creations. He supported her in all ways possible, whether they were near or far away. He made sure to bring her food because she would lose track of time while in the library or art studio and forget to eat and sleep. He misses having to carry her to her bed to make sure she sleeps. He misses looking after someone.

She is still the same, he notices, in many ways. She doesn't get much sleep, though, and mostly runs on caffeine, but he can tell that it isn't enough as he observes her all week. Some burden that she refuses to speak about seems to weigh her down, and he doesn't like the way that it makes her seem sad. Maybe she's longing for home. Loki remembers feelings homesick after he left Asgard, though he knew he didn't have a place there anymore. When he asks her about her younger sister, she merely says that Elle was taken in by family members after her parents' decease and that she doesn't feel comfortable discussing the matter anymore than they already have.

It's after midnight. Loki still can't sleep. He decides to take a walk around the floor- it's rather small, but perhaps it will ease his mind a bit to be distracted. Upon entering the large, open space that consists of most of his Special Prison Unit, he sees Mercelena examining what seems to be a sheet of blueprints splayed out across the glass and metal coffee table. She looks up to see him enter and simply leans back onto the couch on which she sits, sipping her coffee.

"Should you not be sleeping?" He asks, quirking an eyebrow when she laughs at his inquiry.

"I'm busy with other things. Sleep is irrelevant." She mutters, rolling up the blueprints, tying them up in a rubber band, and propping them up against a wall. She doesn't get to the door before Loki interrupts.

"Merci, you can't neglect yourself."

She turns to him, her cheeks burning with rage and surprise. "Don't call me that." She hisses angrily. "I can take care of myself."

Loki only responds to her aggressiveness with a scoff. "Lying to yourself is unhealthy."

"I'm not lying." She mutters through gritted teeth. Mercelena is overtired and moody, which doesn't help when Loki laughs at her denial. "I'm not!"

"Go to bed, and we'll see whether or not you've lied in the morning." Loki says pleasantly. Mercelena sends a scowl in his direction before stalking off in the direction of the bathroom.

"The bedrooms are to your right, Mercelena." Loki reminds her, grinning amusedly. Mercelena groans, turning to her right and walking in that direction. Loki shakes his head, still smiling. She's still as amusing when tired as he remembers.

She hasn't changed much, and it comforts him to know that. She's still the same girl he fell in love with long ago, and he hasn't forgotten how he felt about her. It's a bit disheartening that she still seems to be resentful towards him.

When he passes her bedroom, the door is wide open. Mercelena is fast asleep on the queen bed, in the same clothes she has worn all day. Loki smiles to himself, thinking about when they were children and Mercelena would sneak into his bedroom at night to show him things she'd made while her parents sold their merchandise in the town square. Sometimes they would be little carved toy trains that she saw in books about Midgard, and others were miniature animal figurines. Once, she brought a small, golden star that she had managed to carve out of a fallen chain link that a welder in a stall nearby had melted and hardened for her. At the end of the night, she would end up falling asleep at the foot of the bed, and he would have to wake her before sunrise to get back to her house without her parents finding out about her absence and alerting the authorities of their missing child.

He returns to his own room for the night, but in his dreams, he returns to when two young Asgardian children- a boy from a royal family and a girl from a group of merchants- spent nights together talking, finding comfort in each other.

**Did anyone else enjoy the little part about little Loki and little Merci staying up at night to talk to each other? :3 **

**Reviews are appreciated, but not necessary, even though I would love to have some. :)**

**XO,**

**Alyson**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry this is out so late! My grandmother has come to stay with us until Saturday and it's been a bit hectic. I hope you like this chapter!**

Mercelena can't lie.

It's not that she's a bad liar. She's actually a very good liar- she learned from the best, after all. She just dislikes lying to people. She feels that it's unjust and rude. Whenever she has lied, she avoids talking until she can't keep her secret anymore and tells the truth. Once, she remembers, she stayed up two nights straight because she felt guilty for not telling Loki that she borrowed a scarf of his to help rescue a small animal. She would laugh at the memory, but she's busy thinking about other things as well.

She lies awake, pondering whether or not to tell Loki the truth about her sister. It's about three weeks after she first "moved in", and she's already feeling at home.

She quickly gets up, walks down the hall and into Loki's room, and flicks on the lights. He opens his eyes and groans.

"Can I get any sleep?" He mutters, annoyed with the girl. He notices that she's in her rarely-worn sleepwear- sweatpants and a tank top- which she only uses when she tries to sleep. Once he sees how nervous she looks, he lightens up a bit and sits up. "Is something wrong?"

Mercelena bites her lip a bit, and then sits at the foot of his bed. Loki raises an eyebrow, waiting for her to speak.

"I lied when I told you that Elle is staying with family." She blurts out quickly. "Nobody could take care of her, and so she was put up for adoption and I only see her on her birthday." She frowns when Loki doesn't say anything. "I asked if she could live with me. I insisted that I could take care of her, but I couldn't, and they took her away and I'm not allowed to see her anymore because once I left her in Asgard to come to Midgard, my custody of her was terminated. She's all alone."

She can't speak anymore. She's afraid she'll cry, and she hates crying in front of other people. Loki only responds to her words with silence. Mercelena takes a deep breath and begins to speak again.

"And we need to talk about our problems." She continues insistently. "I can't live here with you without knowing you're not going to strangle me while I'm sleeping, because one day you're very nice to me and the next you act like you hate me." She seems frustrated, for some reason- quite probably because she's being so emotional already.

"I apologize, but you're going to have to accept my moods. Some days are dreary." Loki replies coolly and calmly.

"Could you try to lighten up a bit?" She wraps one hand around her right arm as if to comfort herself. "I'm just uncomfortable around overly loud, angry, or sad people."

"I'll try as long as you try to get more sleep." Loki compromises, frowning when he sees that she's going to refuse.

"I can't sleep." She admits bashfully, looking around the now-darkened room- Loki has turned the lights off and climbed back under his covers gracefully.

"Why not?" He inquires, honestly curious about why his friend is depriving herself of rest.

"I don't know." She shakes her head as if to clear her mind. "There's too much to think about." She looks around and whispers, "I'll have nightmares if I fall asleep."

This surprises Loki, even though he knows that she's prone to vivid dreams. When she would visit him at home in Asgard as children and young adults, she used to tell him in detail about the dreams she would have. As they grew older, though, she became a bit more reserved when it came to dreams. "About what?"

"I'd rather not talk about it." She murmurs shyly, looking away from his bright, green eyes.

Loki leans closer to her, saying, "If you talk about it, you might feel better." He knows there has to be a good reason that she won't tell him about it the first time he asks, because she's always been very open with him and this is something completely new to them.

She bites her lip, her eyes darting around the room as if to search for security cameras or spies. "You can't yell or get mad about this, okay?" She finally whispers, her voice shaking slightly with fear.

Loki quirks an eyebrow, questioning her request."Why would I yell?"

She sighs, trying to find a way to put how Loki sometimes acts into words that make sense. "I just… you can be very overprotective if you've been attached to someone."

Loki gives a skeptical eyeroll. "Don't flatter yourself." He does care about her, though. He just doesn't want her to know.

Mercelena pulls away the littlest bit, slightly offended by his denial of affection. "I'm just saying that in case you care about me in any way like you used to."

He just wants her to get on with it so he can sleep. He's exhausted- he hasn't gotten much sleep lately. "Go on."

She takes a deep breath before speaking. "I'll have nightmares because after you left Asgard, the Frost Giants abducted me and tortured me for information on where you went and what you were doing. I have dreams that they found you or my sister and took us and killed you both in front of me." She bows her head down, blushing in shame.

"What?" Loki is indescribably, overwhelmingly angry at himself for letting this happen. He hadn't thought about how it would affect Mercelena when he left. He had only thought of himself and his plans.

"Please don't be angry at me." Mercelena whimpers. She hasn't meant to become so emotionally invested in what Loki thinks of her. It just happens, she supposes, when she becomes attached to people.

Loki sounds incredulous when he says, "Why would I be angry at you?"

She looks away again, shameful. "Because I'm weak. Fear is a weakness."

He cups her cheek in the palm of his hand and turns her face towards his so that she looks into his eyes. "No, Merci. You're strong. Stronger than you know."

She jerks away, tears filling her eyes. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better."

Loki responds with a prompt, "You don't have to lie to yourself. I was lying when I suggested that I didn't care about you. I find that it bothers me very much to care about someone again."

"I'm so sorry." Her words are barely audible, yet Loki can sense that she's overwhelmed with emotion and puts a hand on her shoulder, as if to attempt to ease her pain.

Loki shakes his head, disappointed in himself for not protecting her when he had promised her for years that he always would. "No, you should not be sorry. I'm sorry."

Mercelena gives a bitter laugh. "Why are you sorry?"

He glares at the sheets. "Because if I hadn't left Asgard, none of this would have happened."

Mercelena shakes her head, disagreeing completely. "But if this hadn't happened, you would still hate me."

Loki looks pained at the thought that she was under the impression that he hated her. "I could never hate you, Mercelena."

Those words are what set her off. She begins to cry involuntarily. She wipes away a tear roughly as she mutters, "You sure acted like it."

Loki looks into her eyes, softly wiping away another fallen tear as she sniffles and saying seriously, "You were and are the closest thing I have to a best friend. You're the only being whom I trust."

Mercelena allows herself a small, tired smile. "I trust you, too." She yawns, covering her mouth and getting up to leave. "Good night, Loki." She's surprised when he gently pulls her next to him, under the blankets, and wraps his arms around her securely.

"Good night, Merci." He murmurs as she hugs him back. They fall into a peaceful sleep, content with everything at the moment, even if things may not be exactly perfect.

**I'm too tired to squeal over the cuddling and ask for reviews, so I hope you all have a nice night. Merci and Loki aren't the only ones who are sleep-deprived around here.**

**XO,**

**Alyson**


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